Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I am sleeping

Last night while Hus-bot and I were blissfully asleep...
there suddenly was a loud crashing "BOOM" noise, followed by a few more after-shock "boom"s.
The next second I found myself alone in bed as Hus-bot immediately jumped out of bed to investigate and protect the family.
With adrenaline coursing through his veins in apprehension, he checked all the rooms to make sure there was no intruder/robber/kidnapper/murderer... i.e. bad guy. 
All he was able to find was an overturned basket of soaking soiled baby clothes on the bathroom ground which he figured to be the cause of the noise. Thus he came back into bed, but his heart was still pounding and pulse racing as he wondered HOW the basket just suddenly fell by itself and he still suspected that there could be a someone behind the situation.
He managed to doze off but his body was still on high alert, leading to anxious and tense sleep.
Then in the morning his alarm went off.
Hus-bot half-awoke, still in an agitated state and when he sensed someone next to him, he automatically thought it was someone he needed to fight off!
So he was about to strangle the "intruder" but he quickly snapped out of it and realized it was just me.  I woke up when he grabbed me, but had no idea what he was doing. 

And without realizing that I had just been attacked, I continued my peaceful slumber.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

I am not part of this story

On Black Friday Eve (otherwise known as Thanksgiving), Hus-bot bravely set out to score some fabulous deals. Knowing that some stores were opening at 12 midnight this year, he went out early around 10 pm to join those crazy people who stand in lines in the cold and think they're cool.

First he went to face the formidable Best Buy and immediately thought he best say good-bye. (lame? sorry) The line was already insane, wrapping all around the plaza and the parking lot looked like regular prime-time business hours.
Can you spot the red-head in line?

So he gave up without a fight and instead drove over to the Target nearby. There the line looked more manageable and he settled into place. He called a friend to join his quest.
After waiting around 2 hours, the doors finally opened. For those of you who are curious how these things work (as I was), they let in 30 people at a time in 20 second intervals to avoid a mob. 
Hus-bot and his friend went to the electronics section as did everyone else. His friend contemplated buying a TV while Hus-bot was interested in the laptops, cellphones, and wanted to purchase the last Harry Potter blu-ray movie to complete our collection.
They stood in front of the stock of TVs and even touched them. The next moment,...
the TV's were all gone. Some people were loading 5 TV's onto one cart! As the aimless duo missed out left and right on all the deals they so patiently stood in line for, Hus-bot finally went to the movie section.
Too bad the new Harry Potter was not on sale. 

And poor Hus-bot came home defeated and empty-handed around 2 am. The End.
*Updated happy ending: Hus-bot actually went out again the next morning and did manage to buy the laptop he wanted on sale so thankfully he was successful on the real Black Friday. And I bought Harry Potter online anyway for $9.99 + tax.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I am masked

I'm not saying that Hus-bot has a big face but right now we're sitting side by side with moisturizing/nourishing face masks on (made Hus-bot try it for fun) and this is what mine looks like compared to his:
Hus-bot says I'm mean but he should have a bigger face! (*Note I do have a bigger forehead) It would be much worse if it were the other way around. Hus-bot's quote in reaction to face mask is "I feel like I want to rob a bank right now!" Hah, what a weirdo. 

Sunday, November 20, 2011

I am annoyed

Annoyances rarely come in isolated occurrences; rather, they tend to flood me in groups with full force. It's not that any of them are a big deal individually but as a package they can get overwhelming, especially since I'm an impatient person. I've noticed a pattern in what tends to happen as shown by the following graph:

The annoying incidents start to roll in. It progressively brings down my mood.
Exhibit A:
Normal things like traffic, red lights bother me.
Exhibit B: 
Having to stop at a gazillion floors in an elevator before getting to my floor. Smelly people make things much worse.
Exhibit C:
Exhibit D:
Getting in the wrong line, behind the wrong person. 
Exhibit E:
Of course.

After a stream of bad luck, I've had enough. Any one little thing triggers an instant intensely sour mood.
 I discover a new pimple in the mirror. (So gross, note the whitehead)
The pimple screams out at me.
Fed up. Totally angry. 
So now I'm just grumpy for while. Argh.

Then yet another something goes wrong...
Such as I trip and fall, landing in a crumpled heap. 
 At this point, all this is more than my bad mood can handle. My rage has reached its climax.
 Suddenly I reflect and realize things aren't so bad- could be much worse.
 All this happening in one day is so ridiculous it might even be funny.
So I laugh to myself like a crazy person and life is good again.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I was a bad driver

My driving career did not particularly get off to a smooth start. I actually got my license in Arizona, notoriously known for their "easy" driver's tests. I naturally failed at my first attempt. Apparently I did something horribly wrong because my behind-the-wheel portion of the test was abruptly cut short and the examiner seemed upset.
I still don't know what I did wrong. He didn't even tell me because it was apparently that obvious, and I couldn't ask because I had to pretend I knew exactly why I didn't pass. So I just tried to look solemn/contrite and then ended up crying in annoyance.

Anyway, a few years later and literally a month after I got my first car, I totaled it. I just full-on rear-ended a brand new cadillac that was stopped at a signal because I was looking to see if a particular store was open. (Embarrassingly enough it was a Morning Glory stationery store).

Now even before I got the license plates for my new car, I did something even more horrendous: I hit a pedestrian. Now before you totally judge me, let me explain the situation.
It was a busy street that had some houses along the side.  There were a bunch of cars parked on the side and when I saw a big black car (think Chevy Suburban or Cadillac Escalade with tinted windows) among them, I assumed it was also a parked car. Little did I know that it was actually a car that was stopped because a person was trying to cross the street. Let me bring your attention to the fact that there was no signal at this crosswalk and that cars on the other side of the street were just whizzing by.

So just as I was passing the big car, I see the pedestrian and in shock, I swerved out of the way!
But my reaction was too late! My friend and I hear the dreaded "THUD" and fear the worst. My heart sank and I remember vividly that instant thinking, "I just committed involuntary manslaughter. I am going to prison". Then I look in my rear view mirror to see:
She was alive! Obviously very upset and her body in some sort of weird position, but she was most definitely moving and totally with it enough to be yelling expletives at me. (Couldn't hear them but could tell by her body language/mouth movements). I saw her get up and continue walking. I was very relieved but also in a state of shock: shaken up,  heart pounding, and mind a blur. Two cars who witnessed what happened stopped me and told me to go see if she was okay, so I U-turned to go back to find her but she was already gone without a trace.

Immoral of the story: The best time to commit a "hit-and-they-run" is before you get your license plates.

Monday, November 14, 2011

I am flabbergasted

I am shocked/surprised in 2 ways today.

1. Unpleasantly:
I woke up to aching abdominal muscles this morning. 

You: From doing what?
Me:  Sit-ups

You: How many? 50?
Me:  No

You: 25?
Me:  No

You: 10?
Me:  No

You: 1?
Me:  No, from doing ZERO. 

That's right ladies and gentlemen, we discovered yesterday that I cannot do even ONE sit-up. Even my pathetic feeble attempts to do one were too much for my flabby abs to handle and they are now protesting. Hus-bot was thoroughly appalled since he can do a gazillion.
* Ted = Keanu Reeves from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure 
or Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother

2. Pleasantly:
I was pleasantly surprised though at how well the word flabbergasted = 'flab-ab-her-gas-ted' so nicely illustrated the situation. The only other circumstance that I could think of that could also work involves a labrador retriever living in Florida having an un-invited avian visitor.
"Fido the puppy was Fl-lab-bird-guested" (need to pronounce 'flabbergasted' with a slight accent).

Saturday, November 12, 2011

I am a hair loser

My hair is majorly obsessed these days. Obsessed with falling off my head. It's totally crazy.
The hairs have been planning a mass exodus amongst themselves and the above picture illustrates what they've been discussing. 

Anyway this has been a 3 stage process.

1. Me = Clueless
After giving birth, I went to get a haircut and that's when the hair stylist warned me of what was to come. I sort of believed her but sort of didn't.

2. Me = Excited/Amused
Then just like the prophetic hair stylist told me, around the 3 month mark I started losing fistfuls of hair in the shower when I ran my fingers through my head. It was kinda fun! I was making mini "wigs" on the bathroom wall because I always stick them on there in order for them not to clog the drain. I have such thick (quantity not quality) hair and I was happy that my hair was thinning itself out! 
Looked like a scene in a horror movie after every shower.

3. Me = Annoyed
But now things are just getting ridiculous. Hair is just everywhere! I'm shedding like a beast!
Here was bedroom before:
Here is bedroom now:
ACK!!! Enough already!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I am a survivor

When I was in college I found myself to be in the category "chubby" all of a sudden. My whole life up until high school I was as thin as a rail and I actually tried to gain weight most of my childhood. However my metabolism eventually slowed down and my overwhelming caloric intake from the sheer volume and late night nature of my food took its toll so that suddenly my junior and senior year I was developing padding in unwelcome places. Anyway, since I hated going to the gym, my attempt at exercising was always to go "running"*.

*Lizzbot's rhyming dictionary
Running = light jogging mixed in with a good amount of walking and a lot of talking 
Studying = going to different cafes (boba shop, bookstore) and chatting galore

Anyway, one night as I was meeting a friend to go running at our track I encounter a pesky obstacle. The gate was closed. Here's the scene:

Now one option was to go all the way around the top and down to the bottom of the track where there was another entrance but I was already late in meeting my friend and I hadn't brought my cellphone with me to let that person know. So I decided to re-assess the situation. I am a strong believer in "if there's a will there's a way".

I looked down to my left at the green foliage beneath me. Now keep in mind it was around 9 pm (night-time) so it was very dark, but the plants looked like bushes and I calculated them to be about 1-2 feet high. So I decided that I would just hop down, cross over past the protruding gate spokes and get over to the other side.

So I just plopped myself on down when....

I started dropping MUCH lower than I had anticipated.

Turns out that those "bushes" were actually TREES. Thankfully, a fortuitous part of this incident was the fact that I landed on a random crate. What the heck was a crate doing down there? Who knows?! But it saved my life. When I landed, all I saw in front of me was a smooth cement wall in front of me with no way of climbing up. I must say I panicked for a good 30 seconds or so. I had dropped into an abyss of darkness with no way to contact the outside world. There was no way anyone would be able to find me in the mess of the FOREST I was in.

I yelled out for help, but not a soul could hear me.

Again, fortunately because of that crate I didn't fall too low as to be unable to reach those spokes on the gate. But even so, I had to jump to barely reach and grab them to pull myself up. Thank goodness for adrenaline + my freakish upper body strength (I can do push-ups and even 1 pull-up in my lifetime but cannot for the life of me do sit-ups) because I managed to drag myself up and out. The worst part of it was the spider web conglomeration that I had to pull myself through in order to get out. Yuck! 

Honestly these pictures do not do justice to the dire situation I was in or how even more dangerous (life-threatening) it could have been if the drop was actually even much deeper. Next time you go to UCLA's Drake Stadium, see for yourself!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I was a bunny owner

Growing up we went through our share of pets. We had dogs, rabbits, fish, a bird that flew into the house, crickets that we kept in jars, etc.  Sad thing is that the pet we had for the longest was probably one of our fish. Anyhow right now I'd like to discuss our rabbits.

Rabbit #1 = Eyeshadow
Eyeshadow was named because of the coloring around her eye, but we usually ended up just calling her bunny. However, she was pretty far from the cute bunny stage. Eyeshadow was of the patchy coloring, large floppy-eared variety and was rather old, fat, and unpleasant. She hated humans and would always do everything to avoid us. When she was in her cage, she would sit furthest from the opening so that it would be hard to get her out or even touch her. Pretty much a useless pet. Not worth having to constantly clean all her smelly rabbit poo and pee. One day we let her loose in our yard and she disappeared the next day; probably escaped through an opening underneath our gate to become food for the local coyotes. Considering her obesity, we doubted she stood a chance at being able to run away from them fast enough.  

Rabbit #2 = Bunny
Not long after we lost Eyeshadow, (I'm not quite sure what prompted us to consider purchasing another rabbit), we decided to give the species another chance. THIS time we actually got a youngster and she was a cute solid tan color. We didn't even really bother naming her because we knew we'd just call her bunny anyway so that was it. Now Bunny was the complete opposite of Eyeshadow. As much as Eyeshadow hated us humans, Bunny loved us. 

For example, we made a larger play enclosure for Bunny to have more space than her cage and if we ran around it, she would run alongside us. 
And even though she was surrounded by the lawn, if we would dangle some vegetation above her, she would jump up to eat it from our hands.
I was even able to fashion a leash for her and take her on walks/hops around our neighborhood.
Bunny was really all you could ask of a bunny. In fact she was pretty much a little puppy in bunny form. Until one day...

It started out as innocently as any of our other walks around the neighborhood.
Then suddenly out of the bushes...
A neighbor's cat pounces from behind some plants to attack Bunny!

In my surprise I flung the leash with Bunny on it up out of the way:
And I thought disaster was averted.  Unfortunately the whole incident was too much for Bunny's weak heart to handle. The next morning, we found her completely still in her cage. My grandpa tried to revive her by massaging her limbs and it seemed to be working but then she relieved herself and went cold.
It was a heartbreaking moment... my poor adorable Bunny. And unfortunately this is the sad ending to my happy story.