Sunday, October 7, 2012

I am observant

One morning I woke up to notice that something was a little 'off' about hus-bot's face. It appeared he had sprouted a new mole or attracted some lint on the side of his nose. Anyhow, he got up and went about his business.

After eating breakfast he returned to the room still unaware of his new blemish. So I brought it to his attention asking what was it that was lingering on his face all morning...
So we looked closer...
 ... And it was a dead ant! Yep, a deceased arthropod just chillin' on his face the whole time. Our next question was how/why did it end up there of all places? My guess was that hus-bot's oily face weighed it down and did it in so that finally it could traverse the expanse of the face no more...

Saturday, July 7, 2012

I am demonstrating...

Tell-tale signs you are dealing with some tough bread:

1. Your bread (illustrated below as a Philly cheese steak sandwich) stays in 1 piece for longer than 5 seconds as you struggle with it in your mouth. *Please note average bread-in-mouth time is ~0.8 seconds
 2. When you finally are able to bite off a piece, you suffer whiplash effects.
3. The inside of your mouth looks and feels like it just went through battle with glass shards

We now know not to use 1 day old Ralph's French bread for Hus-bot's sandwiches.

Monday, April 2, 2012

I am worn out

I had 2 panic-inducing episodes today and the stress/anxiety was a lot to bear in the short span of 5 hours. The same 3 steps happened in an almost identical fashion:

A. This morning I was about to go out on errands with the baby-bot when I couldn't find my wallet.

B.  I was back at home in the afternoon when I couldn't remember where I left my phone.
1. The Panicked Realization

Second: (An agonizing 30-45 minute duration)
A. After having my wallet stolen a few months ago, I am totally paranoid about losing my wallet. So the fact that I could not find it after over 30 minutes of ransacking our small place made my heart rate skyrocket. Not to mention any outing involving baby-bot is a delicate time-sensitive affair due to needing to fit within her napping/eating/pooping schedule.

B. I called myself through my computer online (Google phone) but couldn't hear my ringer.  I remembered I had activated the "find my iPhone" app so I had to figure out how to do that (log in to iCloud) and when it searched, it indicated the phone was a the plaza I had been in that morning! Ugh! I must've dropped it on the ground! So in a state of panicked frenzy I grabbed baby-bot and sped back over to the shopping plaza. I searched the parking lot ground, kneeling under random cars and also went into a couple stores inquiring if anyone had turned in a phone.
2. Freak-out Session

A. Turned out I had placed a bag on top of the darn wallet on my coffee table. Panic for nothing!

B. I went into the 3rd store asking once again if someone had found a "black iPhone with a multi-colored case" and they had me wait for someone to come open the safe. At this point I had almost given up when finally the lady with the key came, requested again that I describe the item, asked, "Is it this?" and held out the prodigal device. Oh, the relief. I said, "Thank you, I almost died" and left.
3. Sweet Relief

I drive myself crazy I tell ya.

Monday, March 5, 2012

I am a black belt

I took Tae Kwon Do lessons as a kid with my brother.  The worst parts were the tests we needed to go through in order to advance to the next color belt. The exams were pretty tense and nerve-wracking, especially having to perform in front of an audience and remember all the different forms and take-downs and what-not.

Anyway one test in particular comes to mind. My brother and I were standing next to each other, lined up with our respective partners.
 We were instructed to do a certain take-down and so we did.
After a take-down we always help our partners up, and this time as we did my brother's partner let out a small whimper...
I looked around for the reason and saw this next to me:

My brother had stood on his partner's hair as he pulled her up and literally yanked out a thick chunk!

The illustrations don't do justice to exactly how horrifying yet hilarious the sight actually was, and at the time we couldn't stop laughing... Don't worry, we still passed.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I am an equestrian

The following incident took place several years ago on a trip to Fort Worth, Texas.  I was there with a couple good friends having a grand 'ole time and we were always open to finding any means to entertain ourselves. The true agenda for our trip was for some educational conference(?) but sadly enough I can't remember a thing in regards to that.

Anyway, one evening we were outside a rodeo bar of some sort when we happened upon a man on a horse.  Yep, just some random guy riding around on concrete in the middle of the night, but it was in Texas, so it made sense.

That was pretty much the exchange that took place and the next thing you know, the 3 of us girls were sitting pretty atop the steed.
We were all laughing, having a good time, and not realizing our folly in burdening the horse who was quickly becoming a frenemy. Suddenly we started experiencing some violent shaking from the rear to the front and before we even understood what was going on....
The next thing we knew we were all sprawled out on the concrete ground in a line; silent, motionless, and in pain.
Such a contrast from the ignorant excitement just seconds before...  hahaha!

Anyway, thank goodness no one was seriously injured. Besides some minor aches and pains, I came out with only a fractured/broken 4th toe. (Swelled up nicely and then left it a little crooked)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I am embarrassed

Here's a visual synopsis of what happened to my ghetto hubby today.

He was in a meeting when his shoes got his attention:

* Note the shoelace did not just break into 2 pieces but into multiple parts. It literally disintegrated.

 He was able to get by with one shoelace-less shoe...
Until he faced his greatest challenge of the day:

We need to buy him new shoes.

Monday, January 9, 2012

I am predictable

In the evenings around 10 pm or even earlier, this is me:
I am exhausted and my ultimate goal in life is to crawl into bed and collapse. I drag myself around with my eyelids half open and my brain half dead.

Unfortunately there is something that interferes every. single. time. Ugh! The indisputable equation:
*My toothbrush is fancy only because all toothbrushes these days are fancy (except for the ones given for free at the dentist) with their multi-colored bristles and rubber parts. Must've gotten some pointers from those automatic car washes. Anyway, I digress...

So the mundane task of brushing my teeth is like a free shot of espresso because my drowsiness suddenly vanishes.
Instead of sleepiness, I am then filled with an intense desire to stare at screens (computer or TV).  And so I do.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

I am in trouble

I am already having battles with my 6 month old. We started introducing solids to her which apparently are not to her taste nor liking. She has now discovered that the simple solution to avoiding her food is to close her mouth. And tightly at that.
I am allowed no entry to the mouth.

I try to force the food in by shoving the spoon into her mouth but it just results in food on her face everywhere around the mouth except inside.  To further counter my moves she dramatically positions her head to be facing completely away from me.

So I call in my reinforcement (hus-bot) to come distract her and make her smile and laugh with his tried and true goofy antics. Baby-bot sees my ploy and thwarts the attempts by simply grinning without ever opening her mouth. Crafty.
Nice try folks...
So I had to bring out the big guns. Entice her with her only weakness: cut fruit.
 Baby-bot loves sucking on slices of pear or apples and asks for it whenever we eat it around her. So I quickly cut up an apple and launched a 2 stage attack.
 She saw the apple slice and finally opened her mouth in anticipation...
Which is when I quickly swept in and shoved the food into her mouth! I had to keep doing this, letting her suck on the apple a bit in between to get her to eat anything at all.

A hard won victory... this time...

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

I am awake

I hereby present to you the 3 worst nights of sleep due to trips I have ever had.

3 - Sometime as a kid:
I remember how the night before going to Disneyland I was tossing and turning from anticipation.  I couldn't wait for the next morning and just couldn't fall asleep. From then on, I trained myself not to hype things up so much because it made for a pretty miserable night. At least I lost sleep over a good thing.

2 - Last week:
Our family took a trip to Las Vegas for the holidays. The only similarity this trip had from previous ones was that I was awake at the odd hours of the morning but obviously not because I was out and having a good time, but because I was in dealing with a crabby, teething baby who didn't like the new environment and made sure to make us aware of that every hour or so.  I'm sure our neighbors weren't too ecstatic either.

1 - Last last year:
The night that goes down in infamy however was an impromptu trip taken with my in-laws down to San Diego.  It was our fault we made the mistake of booking only 1 room (why?!!) when it was 5 of us.  So 3 grown adults (me, hus-bot, and brother-in-law) actually attempted to sleep in 1 not even king-sized but queen bed which in and of itself was totally ridiculous. But add to that the snoring cacophony of the mother-in-law and it was just over. The absolute worst night I have ever had.